if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
