Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
