You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
