im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
