The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
