I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
