Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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