Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
