Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
