I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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