for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
