Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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