the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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