Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i need some magic done to my vagina
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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