I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
