I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
