Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
