Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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