I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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