Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My nipple is on Facebook.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
