she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
