So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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