3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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