I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
