Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
