Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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