my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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