Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
