youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
