Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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