I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
