Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
