Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
