so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
