Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
