i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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