just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Enjoy the penises
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
