My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
