when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
