i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
