Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
