just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
