Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
