I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
