Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
