if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
