Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
