I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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