just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
