why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize