Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
