he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
