I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
