Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
