he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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