he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
