$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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