you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
