Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
