i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
