lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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