toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
