Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
