Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize