You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
