you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
