Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
