this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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