I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
dude. I can hear the air.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
