yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
