He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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